Transition
by EI.HA
Summary: how do you move from "we are over" to "I'm lucky to have you stand with me"?


_**I know there isn't much **__**that wasn't already been said (or written) about the final, but the transition from "we are over" to "lucky to have someone to stand with you" occupied my mind and the only way I can let it go is write it down, so, here you go.**_

_**thanks again to my fearless beta. **_

She knew it was a lie the moment the words escaped from her mouth.

Even in the furious haze she was in, she could tell that they weren't true.

Yes, in that very moment, filled with anger and hurt she might have meant them, spit them out as a last line of defense on her crumbling walls but as she turned her back to him, silently waiting for his defeated retreat from her apartment, she knew they might be many things, but none of them are even remotely close to being "over". Thank god.

And with this realization she could finally breathe.

Being the stubborn woman that she was, she couldn't just take them back, take him back and move on.

No, there was no doubt in her mind that she needed him by her side, in any form she could have him.

The problem was that this logical part of her brain was overpowered with anger and frustration that were clearly in charge of making the decisions right now. So she let him leave trying to convince herself she didn't care, that it didn't hurt, her tears weren't for him.

She walked to the captain office like a girl on a mission. If the captain forces her into it she will have to take him back right? She will have to call him in, with a voice that clearly state she doesn't like it but she has no choice, damn him and his damn connections.

She might have to act angry and distant around him for a while, but at least he'll be there, she will keep him by her side, make sure he won't run off on her again like last time.

She knows it's not really his fault. If the long list of people who left her is any indication, it's her's. If you keep pushing someone long enough at some point, he will get the message, even if it's the wrong one.

She have to hand it to him though, he lasted longer than she expected, longer than anyone else. Maybe that's the reason she let herself believe, or at least hope that he won't abandon her, not again, not ever.

He said always right?

But somehow her grand plan backfired on her. She must have played her role too well spreading false determination and anger and so the captain somehow sensed she mean business. He's out. Gone. They are over. Now she can't breathe again. What has she done?

No, wait. What about the mayor? The books deal? That has to count for something? Can't that be enough to keep him here?

No. she knows that. That can't be enough anymore.

She knows the captain isn't going to force her, she don't have a stupid bet to hide behind her wanting him back. Needing him.

He won't apologise either this time. She knows this much is true. He meant what he said. He meant it. And that scared her even more.

He cared so much about her, and she didn't care enough, but it's her life to throw away right? the logic part of her brain kept pushing to consider, If things were the other way around, would she let him do the same?

"He said that we can't win this".

And that's the problem isn't it? That's what bothered her the most. Not that he called her on her bluff, accusing her of throwing her life away, locking every one out, being in loveless relationships when she could be happy, happy with him.

She could forgive all of that. She'll be pissed off at him but it's hardly a cause to kick him out of her life.

But this, this was different. Somehow, in a way she can't quite explain he slowly but firmly became her go-to guy. Her rock. Her anchor. She never wanted him to be, never asked him to, but he silently stood by her side every time and she silently let him.

And this is why it hurt so much. Because the one person she never had to worry about supporting her, the one who practically encouraged her to fight again by reopening her mother case is the same one who stood in front of her and told her she is going to lose.

And that hurt. Not just because he said it. But because in some way she knew it was true. One way or another she IS going to lose.

She might lose herself on the way, might lose her job, might lose her life. She might even lose him.

The captain told her there are no winners in this, only the fight. The best she can hope for is making a stand.

And as she walked out his office she realize she has no idea where she stands, but she sure as hell know who she wants to stand beside her.


End file.
